p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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