It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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