I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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