She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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