I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
