i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
