There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
