yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize