I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
These tits shall not be calmed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
