I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize