Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
