he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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