my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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