Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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