I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
