ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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