I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
