when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
