You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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