was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
