thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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