clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
