when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
