ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
