Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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