Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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