so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
