please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
