Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
