So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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