Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
