I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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