i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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