He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
