We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
