its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
