I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
