He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
