Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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