Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
