My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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