just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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