you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize