Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
