the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im holly from the hills drunk
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize