Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
