Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
