The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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