there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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