Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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