There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
