Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
