we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize