Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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