I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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