somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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