if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
