Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
