i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
