so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
