i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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