Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You made out with two different species that night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
