I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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