Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
