my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize