For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
