She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
