Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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