You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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