Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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