I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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