there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
