we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
