Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your cock deserves a montage
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
